As a girl grows, she’s expected to learn a variety of new skills, and eventually build them into her routines; One of the most important examples would be shaving. Shaving, like any skill, isn’t something a girl is born knowing. Girls learn to take care of their body from their mothers, wether it’s shaving, washing hair, or washing their skin- then mothers help their daughters to build these skills into their routine to keep their bodies clean, healthy, and presentable.
Unlike washing hair or wearing deodorant however, many moms aren’t sure how to approach the conversation around shaving. A small but vocal minority has managed to convince some moms that shaving isn’t a part of taking care of your body as a girl, and this means some girls don’t learn how to shave and don’t build it into a good routine. While these minority groups are well meaning, they end up setting girls up for failure. Whether girls are taught to shave or not, they are still expected to keep their bodies hair free, and that’s not just an arbitrary expectation. There are a whole array of reasons shaving has become an expectation for girls, and girls who don’t build healthy shaving routines will be excluded from many opportunities available to other girls and will need to spend more time cleaning their body and still won’t be able to maintain their appearance.
So why is it so important for girls to keep their bodies hair-free? Well first off, smooth skill is far easier to clean because hair loves to hold onto dirt snd moisture. Hair is also highly effective at spreading body oder, meaning girls who don’t shave will struggle significantly more to control their body oder than girls who keep their bodies hair free. On top hair’s better ability to spread oder, the dirt and moisture it traps can bring their own orders too, and all of this takes far more time and effort to clean off in the shower. T
he tendency for hair to trap moisture is most critical for hair that grows on the vagina because this hair will trap urine, menstrual blood, and vaginal secretions, all of which lead to offensive orders and increases a girls risk of vaginal yeast infections. Not only that, but because hair traps moisture so effectively, girls with hair on their vagina are at elevated risk of STI as they will trap more bodily fluids during intercourse, and will be less-able to wash those fluids off afterwards.
First impressions matter a lot, especially for girls; whether it’s try-outs for the dance team, a job interview, or a school presentation- girls who shave are percieved as more mature, more responsible, and more trustworthy, while girls who don’t shave are seen as lazy and unreliable. Teaching your daughter to shave is just part of setting her up for success, and even though girls often don’t like shaving when they’re yound, and don’t understand the importance of it- that just means that it’s even more important for mothers to help young girls develop good shaving routines.
When to start the conversation
Now that we’ve established how important it is for young girls to develop healthy shaving habits, when should moms start the conversation? Well, there’s no single age at which to start talking about shaving because it all starts with casual conversations about shaving. As a mom you should be open about shaving throughout your daughter’s childhood- casual conversations can help establish that body maintenance is a normal part of girlhood. These casual conversations also help to reduce the awkwardness from discussing shaving. One of the easiest times to directly introduce shaving is whenever you’re teaching your daughter to shower independently sense shaving is part of taking a shower.
As a mom, there’s no need to wait for your daughter’s body hair to become a significant issue- most girls start growing light hair on their legs before armpits or vagina are growing hair. Whenever this first light hair begins to show up, that’s the best time to teach her as that light-colored hair can be shaved and felt but it’s not as important for her to shave perfectly consistently, and the legs are typically the easiest area to shave. Even this early on it’s a good idea to start teaching her good habits like shaving the first day after re-growth starts. This will help her become more comfortable with shaving generally which becomes critically important when she starts shaving her armpits and vagina.
While girls who start shaving earlier typically do better in life, it’s not critical for her to shave everywhere until she begins growing visible body-haif at which point she should already be in the habit of shaving it. For some girls this mens shaving every single day, while for others this can mean a couple times a keep, but early guidance and redirection can help her to develop these healthy routines. The most important area to keep clean shaven is the vaginal region and it’s important tat girls make sure to shave 100% of that hair the moment it becomes visible. While the vagina is always the most important area for a girl to shave, it’s especially important in girls who are having penetrative sex as it can increase risk of STI, and it significantly increases the risk of a condom breaking.
Approaching the conversation
The number one mistake I see moms make when teaching their daughters about shaving is that they don’t make shaving a normal, approachable, household topic before they try to talk about it. You’re daughter should know that girls shave long before she is learning how to do it. She should be anticipating shaving months or even years before she’s ready to start. Shaving should be talked about openly so girls have the opertunity to look forward to it before they need to start doing it. This helps a little with the process of teaching, but a ton with the process of routine building.
When the time comes for her to start, teach her the basics and introduce the routine in stages. Start off with whatever area she grows savable hair on first, and just have her shave whenever she feels like it. As time goes on, start asking if she remembered to shave and start providing minor pressure and nudges including why it’s important for girls to shave, and how you (her mom) always shave. Over time your questioning should become more frequent with fewer explanations of it’s importance.
As she develops and her body-hair becomes more visible, start by providing gentile reminders that she needs to shave any time you can see body hair. Over time these reminders should become more firm until they’re expectations. By this point you aren’t offering explanations, but you are ready if she asks for an explanation.
Finally, when she starts growing hair on her vagina, start explaining the importance of shaving the vagina in full depth, and make sure she’s keeping it hair-free. If at any point she’s pushing back, explain the reasons shaving is so important girls, and explain that it’s an expectation, not a personal choice.
If she’s still not keeping herself hair-free, it’s time to start thinking about consequences. As always you should try to keep the consequences as related to the behavior as possible, for example if her legs or armpits have visible hair she can’t leave the house or have anyone over until she’s presentable (until she shaves). For her vagina, a good consequence is that she needs to stay in the bath until she shaves, that’s because hair around the vagina holds on to so much fluid that it’s simply not sanitary to leave the bath before shaving.
As a mother, it’s your job to set your daughter up for success. Even though girls don’t start off fully understanding the expectations around shaving- learning to shave and building healthy routines to keep her body hair free is a big part of growing up. She might not understand how important it is when she’s first learning, but one day she’ll appreciate the effort you put in to keep her from societal consequences, and to give her the best possible chance at success.
